Sex Education With Your Children

The children of this era live in a gender-confused age. In the past, the parents usually assumed that the school is a place where one can get a proper education. However with the changing times, the proliferation of online pornography, the twisting of societal value, the same-gender and non-binary family, these changes has entered into the minds of the children, demoting values which are now labelled regressive.

In 2015 the province of Ontario, Canada, pushed a new sexual education curriculum onto schools; the American Supreme Court passed the laws legalizing same-gender marriage; Taiwan welcomed its Gay Pride Parade, with slogans that appeal to the young.

In today’s societal trend, the traditional family structure has been met with great setbacks. Children could be facing different sexual values at home and at school. How parents communicate with their children, guiding them alongside their school teachers, and letting them construct positive sexual guidelines is extremely important.

Challenge: The Mainstream Isn’t Easy

One day after dinner, my family and I were hosting our usual Family Time. The son said that during his tenth grade civics class, one classmate reported on how government policies become realities and the class discussion shifted to talk about how many Chinese-Canadian parents oppose the Ontario provinces’ new sexual education curriculum, thinking most of the content is being taught too early and cannot be understood by the children. For example in grade 3 they are going to be taught about 6 gender identities. My son asked the teacher isn’t there only two? Male and female?

For most, a person is born male or female, however some males want to be female and some females want to be male. These should be an extremely small percentage of the population. The government should assist those that don’t acknowledge their physical gender and the reasoning behind their refusal, leading them back into the proper road, and not force everyone to accept six gender identities. The teacher said that everyone has the freedom of choice.

Later on, my son told me that in reality many students feel the same doubt about the six gender identities, but did not voice their views publicly. I praised my son for his courage, saying he has the right ideas. At the same time, I told my two sons, if a hundred people were pushing the wrong idea and you’re the only one insisting upon the correct principle, to resist with meaning and uphold the value would require God’s help and support from others.

That time, I deeply felt the mixed and confusing values that the modern society has impacted on the children. As parents, we need to help our children to assist them hold true to the values that are correct, instead of following the societal mainstream values. Parents need to use wisdom to guide their children and promote communication between them and the children.

Question: Can teenaged children have boyfriends/girlfriends?

When it comes to gender identity, many parents are worried about their children receiving the wrong values. In reality, parents are the children’s first sexual educator. I encourage parents to consider bathing with their kids until they enter kindergarten. The kids will learn from their parents the difference between male and female and understand clearly which gender they belong to instead of being confused by the six gender identities. It is very important that the parents let the children know about themselves.

During another Family Time, we happen to have read a Bible passage which states “Stand firm”. I asked my two teenage sons, if you need to stand firm in life, what’s your greatest challenge?” My eldest son said that in schools there will inevitably be boyfriends/girlfriends who show off their relationship by practicing intimate behavior, enticing an audience and promoting them to seek relationships of their own.

My sons asked me, when can I have a girlfriend? I asked my son, what’s the point of having a girlfriend right now? Will she be a candidate for marriage? My son replied of course not. He admits that sometimes he would have shifted attention. For example, today he would feel that this friend is pretty and want to date her, then the next day want to change to another “prettier” girl.

I remember that once my son told a female friend “Will you be my girlfriend?” That girl happily agreed. In two days, my son thought about the situation and felt uneasy, losing the ability to concentrate on schoolwork, and told the girl “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m ready, I cannot keep any promises to you, let’s just be friends, to prevent me from hurting you.”

Thankfully the girl didn’t get angry at my son, instead praising him saying he’s a good guy. I told them that teenagers are still in the development stage, with unstable emotions. Thoughts and values are still shifting and aren’t in a good position to be involved in a relationship.

Oath: True Love Requires Waiting

During another Family Time session, I asked my sons what they teach at their sex education class. They mentioned that as early as in grade 8 they have grasped how sex is conducted, and emphasized that using condom to prevent sexually transmitted diseases is very important. The son also said that rumors amongst friends say that protected sex with condoms are very safe and doesn’t affect males. My son doesn’t agree, thinking that to satisfy the sexual impulse and risk getting a girl pregnant is nothing to laugh at. Not to mention having to raise a baby and the emotional trauma that can be inflicted upon the girl. My son thinks that it would be unfair to both. I used this opportunity to tell my son that he is right, knowing to take responsibility for his actions and not to risk others in acts which satisfy his own selfish desires.

I asked my sons, how can I help them escape from what the Bible describes as “youthful passions”? My sons said the females should avoid wearing clothing which is too exposed, to decrease chances of males thinking of inappropriate things. I am very surprised by my son’s openness. I then followed up with another question. How should females dress to avoid enticing males? My son said, this education should not come from the mother, but from the father, as that offers the best protection, because the father is a married male and knows best how females should dress properly. Our home has three males to provide advice on how they should dress, which is a blessing indeed.

In 2013 while we were in Los Angeles, the children participated in an activity hosted by the church called the Love Oath. Everyone received a ring with a carved phrase modeling this principle, reminding them to hold off on sexual activities until after marriage, because sex is created by God, is holy and good, and is a valuable gift which He has allowed to be given on the day of marriage. There should be no premarital sexual behavior.

Because many young adults are led astray by media and entertainment believing that sex equals love, pre-marital sex is not only accepted, but used to show off, pushing teenagers towards a trap. Thus, my son wears the ring on a necklace, like the legendary ring from Lord of the Rings, to remind oneself to remove himself from temptation, to keep his thoughts in reign, to do what delights God. All in all, using Family Time, I discovered that by keeping good relations with your children, you can be relaxed in your discussion of sex with your children, even for normally difficult situations. The important thing is to use all possible opportunities whenever your children bring up questions, to listen to his or her thoughts, to provide a communications channel, believing that you can have an excellent communication channel with you children.

Sexual Discussion:

1. Parents are a child’s first sexual educator.
2. Take care of every opportunity your children gives you when asked about sex.
3. Be ready to guide our children to have the correct sexual values.