Family Time

I grew up in Taiwan, the sixth of nine brothers and sisters. I used to envy families with only one child, because growing up, we had to share the housework, ration out the food, and take turns looking after our younger sisters. As I grew older, though, I came to realize that God gave me an upbringing different from other people’s on purpose — because He made me, and He knew exactly where I needed to be shaped so my life could become something new. And so I resolved that, starting from the heart, in gratitude, I would make the home my husband and I built into a nest of love.

In 2007, our whole family immigrated to Canada. Wherever we go, people around us are always amazed at how I manage a household of six, because our family gets along so well. Our eldest daughter is in graduate school, our second daughter graduates from university next year, our eldest son is currently in high school, and our youngest son starts high school next year — there’s nearly a ten-year gap between our second and third children. Our two daughters are stronger in Chinese with English as a second language, while our two sons are stronger in English with Chinese as a second language.

For my husband and me, raising four children has been full of challenges and moments of awe at God’s goodness. It has given us precious lessons and enriched our lives, training us in composure under pressure, steadiness in the face of change, and careful, decisive judgment. So what’s the secret? Mainly, it’s that we’ve kept a regular Family Time, which lets every family member take part — learning to love one another, accept one another, and bear with one another, building a home overflowing with true love that belongs to each one of us.

Cultivated with Care, Loved by the Whole Family

When we talk about "Family Time," what we really mean is helping the family gather together in a natural, relaxed, and varied way — sharing the small moments of daily life, strengthening family bonds, and keeping the channels of communication open between us.

Back when our eldest was in kindergarten, twenty years ago now, I read an article about the practice of Family Time and began trying it in our own home — and I’ve kept it up ever since. The kids never tire of it; they often remind us, "It’s Family Time!"

Many parents, facing a rebellious teenager at home, are always at their wits’ end, sometimes almost losing their minds. I encourage parents to head this off by building the habit of Family Time while their children are still young, establishing good channels of communication early. In our family, honestly, it was pretty hit-or-miss at first — but my husband and I kept encouraging each other, and whenever we let it lapse, we simply started again.

What I’ve found is that as long as you have the heart for it, it’s never too late to start. Family Time has helped resolve all kinds of problems at every stage of our family’s life, letting us experience firsthand how shared joy is doubled and shared burdens are lightened. This is especially true for today’s teenagers, who have fewer and fewer chances to spend time with adults — in their neighborhood, at school, in social activities, or even at home. This makes me feel that families today need, more than ever, to invest time and heart in cultivating "Family Time," tying the family together through the heart, so parents can become examples their children can follow in daily life, passed down from generation to generation.

Five Keys to a Successful Family Time

Our "Family Time" is usually limited to thirty or forty minutes, once a week. I believe there are a few principles worth keeping in mind if you want to successfully establish it:

1. Parents prepare material in advance: Parents with no experience setting up Family Time may not know where to start — I went through that same trial-and-error stage myself, working through plenty of difficulties before finally sticking with it. Generally, the materials and topics you use should differ depending on your children’s ages. "The Appreciation Game," for example, can be a great way to get started. Readers in the US and Taiwan can find it at local Christian bookstores. This bilingual Chinese-English game board, which I highly recommend, is a game for sharing among family and friends and makes an excellent communication tool — through its interactive design it draws family members closer and gives what’s shared more depth. You can even design your own questions to add to it. I’ll introduce more practical tools like this when I have the chance.

Every family member takes part: Willing, self-motivated participation is what sparks real interest. We usually hold it regularly after dinner on Saturdays, and everyone looks forward to it. Sometimes we share our favorite hymns or Bible verses, or talk about what they mean to us — carrying each person’s heart through the mountains and valleys, experiencing together the connection of shared life: mourning with those who mourn, rejoicing with those who rejoice, carrying the load with those who carry burdens, and sharing in the joy of growing together.

Perseverance and faithfulness: Even if some family members can’t or won’t take part, those present should still commit to worshiping together wholeheartedly, praying especially for those who are absent. When we have guests, we invite them to join too, since that becomes its own kind of shared testimony. Family members should keep encouraging one another — even if things get interrupted, you can always pick back up and start again. Husbands and wives should remind and cheer each other on, and if one spouse doesn’t yet believe, that’s all right — you can still invite them to join, though you shouldn’t force it.

Keep the format varied: Don’t follow the exact same format every time. Variety keeps everyone’s interest up. For example, we once each picked a favorite hymn connected to our own name, and even while traveling we still try to keep up Family Time as much as possible. During Family Time we share how we’ve been feeling over the past week, and sometimes we confess to a family member we’ve wronged and ask forgiveness — parents included, no exceptions. This lets the children see that parents make mistakes too, and also need room to grow. Over the years we’ve talked through all kinds of matters, big and small, praying together and making decisions as a family: whether to take up a hobby, drafting house rules, dividing chores, planning trips, allotting allowance, screen time — even voting on whether to have a fourth child, choosing his name together, and immigrating to Canada, among other things. We take whatever joys and worries came up that week and lay them out for discussion, and we share what we’ve been learning from our recent Bible reading. Whenever family members hold different opinions, Family Time becomes the best channel of communication for the six of us. Because we maintain good relationships day to day, even the biggest problems become manageable, and the family faces them together. From a young age, our children have had the chance to practice expressing themselves and listening to different points of view; the everyday struggles of life get brought to Family Time for prayer, conflicts get resolved one by one, and together we experience what it means for God to hold first place in our home.

Caring about the wider world around us: Sometimes we pray specifically for missionaries. We keep a missions map on our refrigerator door, look up information about where different missionaries serve, and save our own allowance in a designated jar to help support them. At other times we pray for children we sponsor who live in poverty, learning about the countries they live in and how they’re growing up.

Starting from the Heart

Even though society at large seems to be sliding further downhill, we haven’t lost our hope in God. We firmly believe His desire is to raise up more healthy families to be a beautiful testimony, letting life influence life and family influence family. Whether the family we grew up in, or the family we have now, leaves us satisfied or brings us sorrow, if we tend to it with our whole heart, the atmosphere of our home will change — and as our homes change, society will change too, and this generation will be turned around. So let’s begin, each in our own home, starting from the heart!